


Lost

by mansikka



Series: Filling In The Gaps [11]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 01:33:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14125230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: Filler-y things for A Door In The Dark/Parabatai Lost





	Lost

**Author's Note:**

> This is very very short; at least, Alec's part is very short, hence only putting this as one chapter.

**Alec**

There is so much anger coursing through Alec that if he doesn't pummel it out on a punchbag then he thinks he might explode with it. He'd prefer to be up on the roof with his bow and arrows, emptying his quiver into the night sky, but he's not even allowed that far from the Institute. Alec's urge to punch the smug look from Aldertree's face has him striking the punch bag repeatedly harder, pushing himself to breathless until the point where it hurts.

He won't even sent a message to Magnus, even though he's asked to be kept informed. Maybe if he'd asked Magnus to portal him straight to where he'd sensed Jace he could have stopped this mess. But as it is, Jocelyn tried to kill Jace, Jace has disappeared with Valentine again, he and Izzy are trapped in the Institute, and there is not a single thing he can do to find or help his parabatai.

Alec wants to scream, punching and punching and punching again, and the footfall that he tries to ignore only brings him something uninvited. There is no holding back from the vitriol he spews at Clary. She is the source of all his problems. Before her there was his duty, his sister, and his two brothers, and he had a simple life. And now the world is in chaos. Had Valentine showed up without Clary being involved perhaps they've have dealt with him already, but as it is—

Even Izzy can't reach him. There are too many cruel things left to say, and if Alec doesn't get away from the both of them, all kinds of things will spew from his mouth. Even the thought of Magnus does nothing to soothe him, not now.

* * *

**Magnus**

It's been an age since he's seen this place, Magnus thinks, breathing in the still-familiar air. His memories of here are good ones, on occasion, but there's also so many more that are not. Camille is nowhere to be seen, and he's relieved about that, even more relieved that he doesn't _feel_ anything for being in a place he once spent so much time in with her.

It's Alec. It's mostly Alec, Magnus amends, unable to name him as the only reason for this new beating in his heart. Only it _is_ Alec that's doing that to him; as Magnus walks around reclaiming the things that are his but he's long forgotten, Magnus thinks of Alec, worries for Alec, and also makes vague plans of whisking him away somewhere. Nowhere too far, and nothing to extravagant, not for a first official date, anyway. But just a little time away from everything that is happening that is just for them; not a snatched moment in Institute hallways or in his apartment, just a little time to just… be.

He's sent Alec a message already reminding him that he's around if he needs to talk, or wants anything. But he knows there isn't much he can do now but wait. Patience has never been something Magnus has been good at without really straining for it; this time, he reminds himself, this time it's worth trying. Though it doesn't stop him checking his cell phone at regular intervals as he waits for Simon to seek Camille out, telling himself he isn't disappointed each time there isn't a message waiting.

* * *

Magnus' heart is in his throat, his heart beating erratically, and he realizes it's been a while since he's been this scared for somebody's life. Alec is here, laid out before him, but his magic isn't touching him. Magnus can't _feel_ Alec; he's gone too deep, and become untethered from the waking world in his efforts to find Jace.

The worst thing is, Magnus thinks, that he'd been oblivious to all of this. Succumbing to the memories dredged up by all those items returned from Camille's, alongside planning numerous locations that he wanted to take Alec. All when Alec was _slipping_ from him, not a word of warning that might have meant he could have done something about it.

Not that he's blaming anyone, of course, at least, he's not blaming Alec. And he's not blaming Izzy either; her tearful call to him earlier put knots in his stomach and he'd portaled to the Institute in seconds, glared back at the disapproving look from Aldertree and gone straight as directed to see what he could do for Alec.

Which, at the moment, doesn't feel like much. Magnus is holding on, reaching out, racking his brains for things he's forgotten and maybe even never known to find a way to _reach_ Alec. Magnus is scared; it's selfish, but Alec's only just come into his life, yet has impacted it in ways he hasn't ever imagined, and has no clear way to define.

"Stay with Alec," Izzy says. Like Magnus could bear to be anywhere else.

* * *

He does blame someone.

That she would come knocking on Alec's door with her empty platitudes while Alec is _lost_ to him makes Magnus feel dangerous things. Jocelyn is a manipulative, self-serving excuse for someone who is supposed to be coursing with angelic blood. That she can look as though _she_ is the one who is wounded by all of this, when Alec has been gone for hours, and he can't reach him, he's there but he's out of reach and he just can't—

Magnus forces long, deep breaths in and out until he's trembling a little less, then returns to doing all he can for Alec.

* * *

Alec is speaking. He keeps mumbling something about a _best team_ , and all the ingredients Magnus has at his disposal won't do anything to help him say any further words. Aldertree tests Magnus' patience, his arrogance and clear use of Alec, keeping him trapped in the Institute instead of anywhere else he could get help to lure in Jace, makes Magnus want to lash out.

But he can't. If he gets sent from the Institute altogether then who will help Alec find his way back? The Clave don't care enough about their people to be doing anything about this; Magnus knows he's currently Alec's only chance, and is terrified he won't be enough. But he's not giving up on him, will work himself dry of all his magic if he has to, will do whatever it takes to bring Alec back.

* * *

Alec's talking again. It breaks Magnus from his magic, and the hope that it fills him with only spirals into despair when nothing else happens. A spiral of despair-filled magic flies from his hand without Magnus even thinking about it, sending something scattering to the floor. And Raj's needling is his breaking point; if it wasn't for Izzy coming in as she did then maybe there'd be something else discarded and tossed to the floor. Probably with a snapped neck.

"We need to get Alec out of here," Izzy says desperately, closing the door behind her, and looking between Raj, and Alec, both of them already formulating a plan.

* * *

"Come back. Come back. Please come back."

Magnus knows it's pointless to plead with Alec directly, but even here in his loft with all the ingredients for every spell and potion to hand, nothing is reaching him. Magnus is desperate, and he is terrified, and he doesn't know where else to turn.

"I'm all out of answers. I've tried everything," he adds, his voice breaking. "Except…"

It's a stupid idea, out of Mundane fairytales, but what if there's some truth to it? What if he can be the one to make Alec wake up?

No, it's stupid, a foolish idea, Magnus berates himself. This doesn't ever happen, it's nothing but a comforting tale for children.

But if it works, whispers another voice, and Magnus is arguing back and forth for several more seconds before leaning in for a kiss.

Alec is unresponsive, no flinch or twitch of movement, still as far from him as he has been all these long hours.

 _Stupid warlock_ , Magnus seethes at himself, anger and frustration and fear whirling through him in a neverending storm. There has to be something he's missing. There has to be something else they can try. There has to be some other hope beyond _Jace_ , and even if Jace is Alec's only hope, then there has to be a miracle that will bring Jace to Alec in time.

"Don't leave me," Magnus whispers, allowing himself to slot his fingers through Alec's, then a few seconds more to drop his head down on to his arm, "don't leave me."

Magnus sighs hard, composes himself before pulling back, pausing for a further moment of despair, then forcing it from him. Returning to repeating all the same magic he's used to try to bring Alec back to him again.

* * *

He's losing him. And Magnus can't even be selfish and cry for Alec alone; Izzy is here, as is Clary, and he has to share his grief with them.

He's not giving up. He'll fight for Alec until he's given all of himself, but Magnus is in the rare position of being past the point of knowing what to try, and it's truly been a lifetime since he felt this useless.

Jace's arrival surges hope in him, pressing the stone into Jace's hand and stepping back, pleading for Alec's soul to return. Magnus watches imagining the two souls reaching out for one another just a fingertip apart before something drags Alec backward, and Magnus feels like he's losing him all over again.

"He's slipping," Magnus says faintly, not meaning to say the words out loud. He desperately clings on to the very edge of his hope, not sure how much he's got to hold on to.

To watch Jace cradling Alec, rocking him, losing hope himself is more than Magnus can bear. But he'll stand here, and watch, because there's no way he's leaving Alec. Even if this the last moment they share.

Magnus' resolve dips for a moment, having to snatch his eyes away before he can look back. And then there's a shift in the air, and Clary's grabbing and holding on to his hand tight, and eyes Magnus had begun to fear he'd never see again blink open tiredly, staring back at Jace in sleepy surprise.

It's when Alec's cries are loud enough to reach them that Magnus, Clary, and Izzy go to move, but this brief moment of reprieve is a moment too long; Aldertree is storming into his apartment uninvited. And as much as Magnus would like to throw him out again, he hasn't got the strength to do much but watch.

Jace is gone within a couple of minutes of Alec waking, his confusion seeking out answers in each their gazes, and finding nothing.

"What happened?"

Magnus wants to be the one to rush to him, the one to sink down beside him and hold on tight. But Alec's sister is here, as well as Clary, and now Alec is awake again Magnus doesn't know if at this point his attention would even be welcomed.

"We need to get to the Institute," Alec says once Izzy has told him what is happening, and to his dismay—though not his surprise—Magnus watches as Alec forces himself up on unsteady legs, slowly straightening his spine.

"I'll open you a portal," Magnus replies, not taking his eyes from Alec's, and is, perhaps selfishly relieved when Alec doesn't do much but stare back.

"Thank you," Alec says as he stumbles forward, held up mostly by Izzy. Clary's hands are flared wide in case Alec needs another support, but she doesn't seem to think he'll accept her touch.

Magnus smiles back and nods, not hoping for any kind of contact between them. Though Alec reaches out and squeezes his hand in passing, and Magnus holds on to the gesture since he can't do anything else.

* * *

 


End file.
